


Connection

by Mastre



Series: A voice in my soul [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Abduction, Dubious Consent, F/M, Law of Attraction, POV Third Person, Possessive Loki, Separation, Sexual Content, Swearing, The Avengers (2012) Compliant, emotional bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-05-27 16:46:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6292255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mastre/pseuds/Mastre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This adventure took place during the first Avengers movie, but the story was never told since it had little impact on the outcome of the battle of New York or the known events surrounding it. For a certain mortal woman with empathic powers, however, life would never be the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Recognition

**Author's Note:**

> My first attempt at publishing a fic. Since there is minimal physical description of the main character it can be read as a Reader/Loki interaction if you prefer.

She had never been good with stress. It wasn't really a surprise that she got lost in the confusion of an evacuation. Especially when it was the middle of the night and she hadn't slept in her own bed. It was a huge complex and once she took a wrong turn she just got deeper and deeper into it. Almost like the Law of Attraction was pulling her in a certain direction. She knew that feeling, but it didn't make sense here. 

She swore in frustration when she found herself in an underground garage. The elevator was already gone, but maybe there would be another, maybe the stairs wouldn't be far away, perhaps she could even walk out if she wasn't too far down. The way the building had been shaking minutes ago told her that stairs would be safest if she had a choice.

There was an underlying vibration in the atmosphere that she couldn't identify but it tickled her empathic sense in a most unpleasant way. She tried to dismiss it as being due to the fact that it felt uncomfortable to be down here and not knowing why the evacuation was called for. Bomb threat? Terrorist attack? Her feet moved faster, the black heels of her ankle boots clicking against the ground.

A door flung open right as she was going to try it and several men came out, moving towards the parked cars. One of them turned his gaze towards her as she was practically in his way. He was tall, dressed in a long coat and holding an oddly shaped scepter in one hand, ornated with a blue, glowing stone. But his face was what caught her attention; he looked tense, exhausted, and stared at her with mad intensity. His eyes were blue, but for a fraction of a second there seemed to be a glimpse of green, and it was in that moment she recognized him.

_I know you!_

"Bring her!" he ordered abruptly, and she was dragged along as the world erupted in chaos, with numerous gunshots suddenly echoing around them. She had already gotten a glimpse of the same man climbing onto the back of the pick-up and later, as they were moving out of the building in high speed, she looked back at him again, using his scepter as a weapon pointed at their followers as blasts of energy lit up the road behind them. She held her head low, making herself as small as possible in the seat while the world exploded around her. 

_What's happening? What the hell is going on?_

* * *

Even after leaving their pursuers behind it felt like hours before they stopped, only for her to be dragged out of the car, gripped by the wrist and pulled along underground passageways to a small-sized living space. He pushed her up against the wall and asked her questions she couldn't answer before leaving her there, locked up and stunned. 

She carefully touched her wrist and wondered just how colorful it was going to look in the morning, and how much more brutality she would be submitted to. Then she sighed to herself, pushed down the anxiety and let her eyes wander around the room. There were no windows and the furnishing was minimal, but at the very least she had a bed. 

"What would Modesty Blaise do?" she thought and started examining the environment. The door out was of course locked, but there was a tiny bathroom, lacking in towels, and a minifridge unplugged from the wall. No food whatsoever, and very little of anything else. It didn't look like this place had been inhabited for a while. 

Finally she sat on the bed and tried to collect herself and make sense of the situation. Her arm was aching and the temperature was lower than she would have preferred, but most of all: something very strange was going on. 

_"Who are you?" he demanded, tightening his grip as if he was going to shake her. She gave her name, but it didn't satisfy him. How can you know someone you've never met?_


	2. Interrogation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When two people with issues comes together things get... interesting. T.W.: There will be threats.

The noise that finally erupted from the lock warned her that the door was about to be opened, and shortly after the tall, pale man once again stepped into her vision. His hair was dark and longish, face hard with sharp features and he still looked like something the cat dragged in. She had to wonder what he actually had been through before they'd run into each other; it couldn't have been anything good.

He slowly walked up to her, measuring her with that intense, unsettling gaze, and she felt an urge to stand up to feel less vulnerable. His eyes narrowed as he, even then, towered over her.  
"Now we have the time... where do I know you from? We have indeed met before, have we not?"

"It feels that way..." she admitted, uncomfortably aware of just how close he stood, the whiff of leather and sweat, the worn out look on his face. He made her think of a predator, and a really dangerous, wounded one.

"You should be aware that I can make you tell me everything," he claimed with an underlying threat to his deceptively velvety voice.

"There isn't much I _can_ tell," she tried, but he dismissed her words with a hand movement.

"Your name means nothing to me. I merely wish to know where, and when, we have encountered each other in the past."

"I don't know" she insisted. "I recognize you, yes, but I don't know from where."

He looked impatient, almost annoyed. Turned away from her to walk a few steps, then returned, circling her like a prey.

"You will get one last chance to present me with an acceptable answer, " he said slowly, locking her in eye contact. "Then I will take what I want to know."

His earlier rough handling of her, and his present threatening tone started to wear on her patience. It was like talking to a brick wall.

"Why don't you tell me who _you_ are?" she challenged. " And just how you're going to get me to answer something I don't know."

"I am Loki, of Asgard, and I have means to make you obey me. You may not like them."

As he grabbed her shoulders and firmly pushed her down to sit on the bed she snapped.  
"Really? Fucked any horses lately?"

He slammed her down, back against the bed, a hand on her throat, and his face was very close to hers, eyes flaming with fury.  
"You need to learn to show respect!" he hissed.

"Then stop pushing me around!" she managed to get out, glaring back.

He kept looking into her eyes until slowly his expression changed and gave way to a little smile that was both devilish and amused.  
"You are a feisty little mortal, are you not?"

"I am not little!" she wanted to snap, touched on a sore spot, but decided to keep quiet. No need to give away her weaknesses for free.

He kept studying her, gaze travelling over her face like she was a fascinating object in an exhibit. He moved his hand from her throat, but only to trace her cheekbone with a long finger, moving downwards and continuing along her upper lip. He smiled again when she struggled to avoid the touch. The smile was as unsettling as the look awakening in his eyes.

_Loki of Asgard. Being a descendent of Scandinavian vikings this weirded her out more than it should have. She was convinced there could be nuggets of truth to old legends; myths being like foggy windows into history; distorted puzzles with too many pieces lost. But...God of Mischief, Chaos and Wildfire? That was disturbing on a whole new level._

"Ever dreamt of being ravished by a god?" he whispered in her ear, his breath brushing against sensitive skin, making her draw in air in a deep, shivering breath of her own.

And then the enchantment was broken by a knock on the door, and suddenly his weight was gone from her body as he walked over the floor with long strides and flung the door open.  
"I am not to be disturbed!" he snarled at whoever was outside.

"I'm sorry, sir, but it's important." Their voices lowered in volume as Loki stepped out and pulled the door shut behind him.

She sat up in the bed, trembling. Then she got to her feet and quietly stepped up to the door, listening. There were no more voices to be heard; they must have left. She felt the door handle, but he had not forgotten to lock. Of course not,why would anything be easy?

_What the fuck have I gotten into? And which asylum did this guy escape from?_

She should probably be more afraid, but he kept pushing her buttons. She seriously hated being dragged and pushed and manhandled and the anger it triggered was stronger than fear. And it was that thing with the recognition...

_I know you. Or I used too. And it wasn't a brief encounter either, it feels like we knew each other for a long time, probably years. So why can't I remember? Why can't you?_

She drank some water to soothe her dry throat before trying to focus on the mystery. She was an empath, maybe that's were the key was to be found. Her powers included being sensitive to others' emotions and a certain healing ability. S.H.I.E.L.D. had wanted to study it, subjecting her to a variety of tests, including her doing healing sessions with veterans affected by PTSD while having her, and their, brainwaves measured.

She couldn't explain how it all worked, only that it did. Maybe, just maybe, there were more side effects to her "gift" than she yet had explored?

_What is it I pick up when I'm near this guy? What makes me feel like I know him? It's something...like an emotional signature._

Yes, that was it! That was the term she was looking for. Everyone had a unique emotional signature; she'd certainly never encountered two that were similar. And this particular signature she had felt somewhere before. She closed her eyes and searched through memory...

When she finally found it she opened her eyes in disappointment. That didn't make sense. It was a real person she was looking for, not a fantasy.


	3. Memory

There was a time when she had gotten tired of the people around her, and imagined what it would be like to have someone she could relate to. Someone who took her as she was and didn't claim to admire her uniqueness just to turn around and try to change her. Someone who was easy to talk to without being overwhelming with their demands for attention.

She had created such an pretend friend as a thought experiment, and it quickly became a kind of refuge to have imaginary conversations with that persona, exchange jokes and commentary while she was going about the daily business of her life. Their company had been soothing, relaxing and, at times, uplifting.

It was maybe a year ago it had begun to turn darker. A sadness or pain of sorts had started to creep in and make it difficult to revisit the relationship without feeling dragged down. She had figured there might be some underlying depression affecting her life at the time, but never really found a satisfying explanation.

She missed the feeling. The ideas of mischief that would come into her mind like someone had whispered them in her ear. The imagining of a smile she couldn't actually put a face to. Tears suddenly filled up her eyes, and she felt the loss more than ever in this cold, forgotten place.

Sounds from the door finally interrupted her thoughts and she quickly moved further away from it, but also kept a safe distance to the bed, considering what had happened earlier. It would be easy for him to drag her there if he wanted to,but she still felt safer keeping some distance.

It wasn't him, however; it was a woman she hadn't seen before, walking in to put down a tray of food and immediately leaving without saying anything.

Yay! Something to eat, at last. She hadn't really thought about being hungry but way to long had past since she had anything but water in her mouth. While eating she pondered wether it would be to her benefit to thank him for it later, or if that would only give him ideas about how to manipulate her. Undecided she nibbled on the last piece of cold meat while her mind started to relax and her thoughts went wandering again.

_"Ever dreamt of being ravaged by a god?"_

It wasn't just his choice of words, but how he had said them, and how close he had been when saying them. She couldn't escape the unnerving sensation that came with revisiting the memory. His weight on her body... those eyes... the whole emotional intensity he radiated. She shook her head. This was seriously disturbing! Why couldn't she just be afraid like a normal person?

_Cause I am not a normal person. I never was._

It was the recognition, she decided. That he reminded her of her beloved imaginary friend messed with her head.

Eventually the adrenaline started to wear off and she began to feel sleepy. Without daylight or a clock she couldn't know for sure what time it was, she only knew that she was tired and decided now was a good time as any to do something about it. It felt safest to keep her clothes on, but she took the risk of curling up in the bed and pulling the covers up over her ears, creating a little cocoon to rest in. Then she fell asleep.

As she woke to change position she realized there was someone else in the room. She had turned off the light near the bed earlier, so she couldn't make out every detail but there was definitely movement nearby. And she heard soft sounds of fabric and leather shifting against each other. Someone was getting undressed! Her heart quickened, and she carefully sat up against the headboard, letting the cover slide off as to not hinder her movements.

Then he climbed onto the bed.


	4. Insight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T.W. Dub.con; do what you need to feel safe while reading.  
> Music suggestion for this chapter: Poison - Groove Coverage. (There is even a [ Loki fan video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZQ3RPsACWY&index=68&list=LLOZ0de0SdkigvNQZpccmYfg) to this song.)

He moved like a feline over the sheets, closing the distance between them until his face was right next to hers. And then he smiled in the most unsettling, predatory way. She could detect his eyes in the almost-darkness as he locked her in his gaze. Quickly he reached out and grabbed the back of her neck with a firm hand and kissed her. Hard at first, pressing his mouth against hers, forcing her lips apart. She grabbed his wrist but it wouldn't budge and the headboard and wall was behind her, making it impossible to escape. 

His tongue against hers was electrifying. Her hand tightened around his wrist as the other one touched his bare chest, trying to push him away. She felt something like scarring under her fingers next to very smooth, hairless skin. Vaguely she realized that only his upper body was naked, but that was likely to change soon.

He pushed deeper, forcing her to taste him, lapping away her resistance. Then she detected a change. He moved his body closer, and the kiss became less forceful, more...searching, exploring. His touch softened but not enough for her to break free. The domination seemed to give way to something else, like he got absorbed in the feeling. His breathing changed, but maybe she just imagined that, as she was battling a disturbing, stirring feeling inside herself.

_Don't indulge him! Don't give him that satisfaction; it's exactly what he wants. And I never get excited this easily. Ever._

His hands moved and he grabbed hold of her body, lifting her onto his thighs as he sat with his knees folded under him, and she ended up straddling his hips. Then he let go of her mouth and ran his lips down her jaw and onto her neck; nibbling, tasting, stroking against the skin like he was sampling her taste. She shivered helplessly. When he breathed into her ear she was virtually melting inside.

_How does he know?_

She had never fantasized about her imaginary friend this way, but there was no other explanation for her quick arousal. She never got turned on this easily by anyone, no matter what they did. It was all him and his hard, insistent body, intent on dominance.

He held a hand against her lower back, keeping her in place against him, and the other one stroking along and under her thigh. His movements were all different know, hungrier and less controlled. She could feel the pressure from his groin increasing against her while his mouth was all over the side of her neck. It was difficult to sit still with this assault on her senses and he had to notice at some point how responsive she was.

Her longsleeve was lifted up and over her shoulders and she made little effort to stop it. They were touching naked breasts against chest, belly to belly and the skin contact was vibrating. He moved his lips against her collarbone and she reluctantly put her hands on his back, not knowing what else to do with them. She wanted to hold him close, indulge in the feeling, trace those long, firm muscles with her fingers. It was so tempting to just be pulled in; taste him, feel him.

A hand was stroking her belly and wandering down under her pants, flicking the button open for more space, and she braced herself; suddenly afraid he was going to do something painful with those hard fingers of his. Her wrist was already bruising and he was obscenely strong. She felt his lips at the corner of her mouth and he was going in for another kiss that she eagerly reciprocated. Couldn't resist, couldn't fight.

_Oh,to hell with it!_

She was too aware of his thighs between her own and that... hardness pressing into her through the fabric of their pants. But then he moved a little; lifted her away from him just enough to reach down and palm the soft area between her legs. She winced but her whimper was muted by his mouth over hers, and her reflex to move away stopped by an arm around her back.

He was searching, fingers sliding between her folds, exploring, prodding, but not aggressively. He let go of her mouth and displayed a wicked smile.  
"That's all it takes? A kiss? I have barely touched you yet, and you are all ready for me."

She cursed internally. Damn this man and his power games, whoever he was! 

He leaned forward, pushing her down on her back, then lingered over her while locking her hands with one of his and tugging at her remaining clothes with the other, watching her intently the whole time. Her eyes were used to the dark now; it was easier to see details than before. Even though his words indicated control his face was betraying him; he was getting absorbed into this as much as she was.

His open mouth was on her neck again as he was resting on top of her body, only delegating some of the weight on an elbow. He really seemed to indulge in tasting her skin, licking, breathing her scent. His legs were in between hers and he pulled one of her knees up high, sliding his hand back and forth along her thigh. At some point he must have unlaced his pants because it wasn't fabric she felt against her most vulnerable spot. 

"Look at me!" he demanded with a low, hoarse voice, and she met his eyes; intense, but with a hint of vulnerability she'd never seen before; so faint it could well have been imagined. And he pushed through and inside of her, firmly but not painfully; the slickness was too rich for there to be much resistance. She drew in a sharp breath from the sensation and stiffened against him. 

He moved in small thrusts, easing himself further inside little by little, never taking his eyes of her face, still holding one of her wrists in a tight grip. She felt his hand under her backside, pushing her upwards for a different angle and pushing himself against her till his full length was buried inside. Then he stilled for a bit, while the pressure against her sweet spot was almost unbearable. 

"I will make you remember." he whispered, moving again; pushing in and out in a steady rhythm and she couldn't resist bringing her knees up and push the insides of her thighs against him. Her fingers dug into his skin and he chuckled a bit, like it was exactly what he had been hoping for, but he wasn't really in as much control as he wanted to be. His breathing was getting shallow and his movements hurried, eyes glazing over.

When he kissed her again she could feel the build-up of tension as every hardening push triggered her most sensitive area and the very thought of him deep inside of her seemed to heighten the intensity. She stilled with her tongue against his and felt the tension dissolving into an overwhelming sensation that pierced her very core.

It wasn't fully over when he let go of her mouth and pressed his teeth into the skin of her neck, moaning loudly, stiffening every muscle in his body and releasing into her embracing depth like control was the farthest thing from his mind. He held her tightly pressed against himself for another while before finally letting go and relaxing over her.

Pinned down, with her arms around him, he felt way too heavy but she couldn't care less. His mouth and nose were breathing heavily into the side of her neck, she could even feel his heart beating near her own. And the emotional signature was there; there wasn't an inch of a doubt: it was him."

_We used to be friends, close even. We used to joke about those mainstreamed, bigoted people who made my life a misery at times. And I used to lean in to you when I wanted relief or comfort or just someone on my side.  
What happened to you? Why did all that darkness envelop you all of a sudden?_

He suddenly lifted his head to look at her. It was too dark to see, but it made her think of that moment when they first ran into each other and his eyes seemed to shift color. Almost immediately he dropped down on the pillow again. Then he moved, slowly shifting his weight off her to lie at her side but still with a possessive arm over her chest.  
And the insight hit her like a flaming arrow in the night; what if she hadn't created an imaginary character? What if she had created a _connection_...with a living, breathing person on the other end? A _real_ person?

She kept clinging to that thought while drifting off to sleep, resting her hand on his arm; his soft, cool skin alive under her fingers.


	5. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More smut!

She still had no sense of time, but felt fairly rested when waking up. Reaching out for the light switch she felt movement behind her. She didn't turn around, waiting to see if he would try to touch her again. Did gods have morning erections?

_Stop, stop, stop! He's not a god! I don't even believe in gods. This is ridiculous._

But what she had experienced hours earlier was anything but. Her imaginary best friend was real! Though different from how she remembered him he _existed_. And he must have existed all along. Somewhere he had lived his life, being aware of her existence as well as she had been aware of his. They had shared thoughts and feelings while being separated in the physical, and forged some kind of... emotional bond.

_A poisonous bond. Whatever he's into is dangerous, and probably criminal. This is not going to end well._

She pushed the warning voice down when he grabbed her hips and pulled her closer to his body, burying his nose in her hair and neck while stroking her belly and thighs. He pushed a leg up between hers and she could indeed feel the silky skin of his erection pressing at her backside. All the physical contact was deceivingly pleasant and made her want to give in to it. Frankly she couldn't remember when she had last...

He moved his hand up and cupped her breast, sliding a thumb over it, reaching the nipple and softly rubbing it firm. Then he slid soft, moist lips over her neck, while pushing his thigh firmly against the place between her legs that still was wet from their remaining body fluids. An arousing sensation radiated from the pressure. 

He leaned in over her and brought her breast to his mouth, circling his tounge around the nipple, sucking on it. His hand moved down to between her legs but only rested there, barely touching, making it impossible to ignore. 

Suddenly he moved, turned her over and pressed her down against the bed with his own body. His knee separated her legs a little, pushing her right thigh aside and his hand found it's way in under her, seeking out her warmth with long, teasing fingers. She closed her eyes when he slid two fingers in between the folds and captured the moist, spreading it out, sliding the tips of his fingers back and forth between the opening and the sensitive nub. He continued till she shivered and the wetness increased.

Slowly he moved to the side, pulling her with him, lifting her leg and positioning himself behind her. Adjusting the angle of her hips he carefully, yet firmly, pushed himself inside and she let it happen. It felt sweet, enticing, like a flutter deep inside her belly. She breathed deeply. His fingers returned to their play as he began moving in and out of her in a calm, slow pace. 

It was gentler than last time, but just as uncompromising, and seriously arousing. He moved so infuriatingly slow. She breathed with open mouth, tried to meet his movements but his tight grip gave little freedom.

"Please..." the word slipped from her lips before she could stop herself.

He bit into her shoulder, just hard enough for her to feel it and wince.  
"You are mine now..." he whispered into her ear.

She trembled helplessly, unable to withstand the onslaught of sensations. Suddenly, just as she was on the brink of insanity, he started pushing harder and deeper, and his words were barely audible as he breathed them out and let go:  
"I will do with you... as I please." And the realization that he was releasing inside of her brought her over the edge and she could do nothing but enjoy the sweet, sweet moment along with him.

* * *

He looked a bit better now, she observed while he got dressed, that is, less like a drug addict in withdrawal. If it was because he finally had had some sleep or... for different reasons, was impossible to tell.

By the door he turned around and looked at her one more time.  
"Do you desire anything?"

"Drawing paper and a pen, maybe? If I have to be stuck in here I'd like something to do."

"You shall have it." And he was gone.

She walked stiffly into the bathroom and turned on the shower. A small thing to ask for, and he might just be in a good enough mood to comply. Time would tell. Letting the water stream over her naked form she tried to focus on the physical of the situation. She had food, sleep and hygien and... well, sex. There was really nothing to worry about as far as her bodily needs were concerned. As prisoners go she was almost comfortable.

The trick was to keep the fear at bay. Loki was not in his right mind, and she still didn't know what the whole escape from S.H.I.E.L.D. had been about. Even if he had been calmer when he left, her empathic sense told her something was seriously off. If she got the opportunity she would use her abilities to try to get a read on him. It might not be ethical, but he hadn't exactly asked her consent when putting her in this situation either. It was all turning into a matter of survival, and the more she knew about the situation the better her chances.

She was turning off the water when realizing she should have asked for towels instead of drawing material. That practical detail had totally slipped her mind. She tried to remove as much water as possible with her hands and squeezed her hair over the drain. It was strange seeing herself in the mirror after everything that'd happened.

_How does this define me? Does it define me?_

A noise from outside caught her attention and she peeked out the door. Whoever had been there was already gone, but a stack of towels and clean clothes was left just outside the bathroom, and further away she spotted a tray with fresh food. She snatched up a towel and began drying herself properly.

_Thank you, law of attraction! I still have the touch, it seems._

Walking into the bedroom and picking up her new clothes, she noticed there was still a distinct smell of sex in the air. Whoever left the items could hardly have missed it. She wondered what they must be thinking.

She took the chance to sleep a bit more and a few hours later someone came by with a sketching pad and a metal case with pencils. She settled down cross-legged on the bed and made herself busy.


	6. Searching for answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music suggestion: Sorcerer - Marilyn Martin

She stood under the shower again. Not to be clean as much as getting some relief for her restless mind and aching body. The water pressure was not optimal, but it was enough to close her eyes and indulge in the soothing feeling as it cascaded down her tired neck. Only when she reopened her eyes did she discover she was not alone. Loki was standing in the doorway, watching her without revealing any emotion. Stepping out to dry herself brought her closer to where he stood but he made no attempt to touch her. There was no lust in his eyes that she could determine; something else was occupying his mind.

"You are not like the others." he assessed when breaking the silence.  
"So I've been told..." She had left her clothes in the bedroom and he was all but blocking the way, so she wrapped the towel around her shoulders for warmth, staying where she was.

"And what might be the reason for that?"  
"I'm an empath, for one thing. I'm sensitive to other people's feelings." He nodded once, like to encourage her to continue. "I think that's why we connected." she said without looking at him. "I felt your presence long ago, just didn't know what it meant."

He moved aside to let her pass and walked behind her into the bedroom. She felt torn between uneasiness and relief that he was acting calm for once. She reached for her clothes but he stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.  
"I intend to rest for a few hours. You will join me."  
"Ehm... okay.

She caught the glimpse of greenish light at the corner of her eye, felt a strange sensation... and suddenly her freshly showered hair wasn't wet anymore.

_What the h..._

"Just a bit of magic." he said. "Now..." He nudged her towards the bed. She sat down, putting the covers over her legs, then took a lock of her hair and tried to look at it. Completely dry.

_Magic?_

Loki began removing his clothes till his upper body was all bared and it was the first time she got a really good look at him. There was indeed scaring on multiple places on his body, but not enough to distort the image of a slender frame with firm, elongated muscles under creamy white skin. He was in no way unattractive.

He walked around the bed and settled in next to her. The bed was not exactly king size but enough for two people if they stayed close together. He was lying on his side when pulling her closer, then picked a few strands of hair out of her face.  
"You will tell me about this connection, and then we sleep, yes?"

\---

When she was done talking he had been in close contact with her nakedness too long to just leave it be and entered her again. It clearly pleased him when she wrapped her legs around him and whimpered into his neck, and he fell asleep quickly after.

It was surprising to see how much his face changed when he slept. He looked years younger and most of the hardness vanished. She held back an impulse to touch his face; better not risk waking him. If his usual guardedness was any indication he probably slept lightly.

Discreetly she reached into his mind and searched, feeling blackened shards of broken trust and deliberately twisted threads of memory. Separation, cold and darkness.

He stirred, frowning.

_Oops! Discreet, was it. Don't let him know you're poking in his mind. That won't go over well._

There was also a strange energy present, one she couldn't interpret. It was not compatible with his emotional signature so it must be coming from somewhere else, but it was effecting him like a malignant mist. She avoided it and focused on sorting and untangling. It took barely twenty minutes before she was too exhausted to continue. The foreign energy was fighting her every step of the way even though she took care not to interact with it directly. It was almost like it wanted him to remain in a broken state, like a parasite that feeds off its host while it's weakened. 

She couldn't do it any more and withdrew. The beginning of a headache was slowly brewing in her own mind when she took one last look at his sleeping face and closed her eyes, hoping for some rest of her own.


	7. Demanding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place after Loki's rather unpleasant conversation with The Other, so he's seeking a distraction. Unfortunately, he has an attitude problem.

"Pleasure me, mortal!"  
She had been too focused on her drawing to look up when the door opened and now he was standing by her bed, unlacing his damn pants. She widened her eyes.  
"Not with that attitude, I won't!"

A flash of anger showed on his face, his eyes narrowed and he put one knee on the bed.  
"You still think you can deny me?" He reached out and removed the drawing material from her hands, putting them away next to the bed. For a moment his eyes lingered on the half finished sketch that had an undeniable likeness to himself, then turned back to her. She sat up more straight, but didn't back down:  
"You still think you can push me around? If you want respect from me, you'd better treat me the same way. Especially if you want any genuine _pleasure_ out of this."

His lips curled into a smile and he almost looked amused. She only just realized the strained look on his face as it began fading. Something had triggered this. He was seeking relief for a reason.

He grabbed her hand and pressed the heal of the palm against his mouth. With closed eyes he sucked on her skin with teeth and tounge, her fingertips resting against his temple. It was strange how his mouth and breath always seemed cool, even in the hottest of moments. Just as he opened his eyes again, meeting hers, he bit down, painfully. She grimaced and ripped her hand back.

He took hold of her and pulled her towards him, over the edge of the bed till she stood on the floor. There was no point in struggling against that kind of strength, but his movements weren't rough this time, so she didn't mind as much. He was actually quite gentle, only insistant and firm. Once her feet were on the floor he pulled her down to her knees between his spread legs. He grabbed her hair and brought her face closer to his own.  
"You are such a sweet little pet." Her indignation must have shown on her face, because he smirked happily. Then he smoothed her hair back behind her ears and leaned in to nuzzle the side of her face. His voice was soft and intimate:  
"Now pleasure me!"

He kept one hand in her hair, twisting his fingers through the silky strands, the other one resting on his thigh. He sat up straight and closed his eyes and once her lips touched his inner thigh he sighed.

It was strangely easy, awkwardly arousing. She tried to rationalize it, but... This felt somehow more intimate than lying pinned under him or being deeply kissed. It was deliberate on her part, controlled, not something she could just give up and get sucked into. She had to actively stroke him, dig a thumb into his thigh, take him into her mouth.

_I loved you, in a way. you meant so much to me, I just didn't realise it for what it was. If we had met back then... Maybe I still love you. Maybe that's why this is so easy._

She caressed him with her tounge, while listening to his breathing grow heavier, feeling the tension in his hips when she took him deeper. He was struggling to remain still, to not reveal how that precious control was once again slipping through his fingers.  
He bent over her and she felt the tight muscles of his abdomen against her head, both his hands in her hair and his thigh clenching under her fingers. And then he shuddered and stiffened and she tasted him all over her tounge.

_"You are mine." No, you are mine._

He pulled her up on the bed, leaned over her and felt between her thighs. Pleased at what he found he pushed two fingers inside her wetness and massaged her with his thumb till she was about to loose it. She closed her eyes to avoid the embarrassment of him watching her like this; she felt too exposed. But just before it became to much he whispered:  
"You are mine, yes?" She clenched her teeth.  
"Yes..."  
"Say it!"  
"I'm yours... Loki..." and she grabbed his clothes to pull him closer and seek out his mouth and he deliberately sank into hers while she trembled and pushed herself into his hand and he just held on till she was done and the self-consciousness didn't matter any more. Then he freed his mouth from hers to look deep into her eyes with a knowing, self-satisfied look on his face, saying :  
"And so you will always be."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At first I found it difficult to write the oral sex scene, till I realised that it was because it's so intimate, and then I could work with that.


	8. Intimacy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music suggestion: My immortal - Evanescence. There is a beautiful fanmade [Loki-video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6IsWAzd5L4) for this song as well.

"Loki?"  
"Mm-hmm." came the answer behind her neck.  
"Is that your real name?"  
"It is."  
"What happened to you a year ago?" He stiffened and kept quiet. She continued: "I felt a change then. Something happened to you, something... bad. What was it?" Still no answer. His hand over her chest had tightened to a fist. Also his breathing had changed, tensing. She could almost feel the memories assaulting his mind. She shuddered, like an icy wind had reached into the underground room and touched her bare skin.  
"This is not a time I wish to delve into such matters." he finally answered.  
"But something did happen?"  
"Yes. Certain events... took place at the time."

"Did you ever feel me?" she asked curiously. He must have; he had recognized her.  
"You were in my dreams. And over time... it felt as if you were with me; walked by my side."  
"That's how I felt. I just thought... I had made you up. It never occurred to me that you could be real."  
"There are tales of such connections where I come from. They are very rare."  
"Really?" She wanted to believe him, but she didn't know what "where I come from" meant. He genuinely believed he was from Asgard, of all places, but she had trouble digesting it. It required a complete turnaround of her worldview. Much easier to think this man was delusional. He was certainly not mentally stable.

She shifted around to face him and his hand moved to her hip. They were only partially undressed. Only as much as was needed to comfortably indulge in what they'd been doing. His eyes traveled over her, serious expression on his face. Conflicted inside, she sensed. Her empathy was always heightened by physical touch.

"I will leave this place for a while." he announced.  
"For where?" This was a surprise.  
"Germany, to begin with." He rubbed his thumb absentmindedly over her skin.  
"I don't know what you're into, but..."  
"When I rule this world we will have more time like this. And the circumstances will be vastly better." He looked into her eyes with a mix of determination and pensiveness. "You should have better living quarters than this."  
"I would rather have my freedom, actually." He moved his head in a dismissive gesture.  
"And you shall have it. Now is not the time. Have patience, my pet." And he kissed her on the lips, stroking his hand along her thigh. She hated the nickname, but this time it didn't sound so much dominating as... endearing. There was a different tone to his voice when he said it.

There was steel under the gentleness though; she could still feel the tension right under the surface. As calm as he seemed in the moment there was only a thin shell separating her from the feral belligerence she knew he possessed. It would not be wise to forget that she was still dealing with a wounded predator.

She palmed his neck and pulled him closer till his brow rested on her collarbone, planting her lips in his hair. She couldn't help feeling what she did. Dangerous or not, he was once her best friend. More than that now. She wouldn't have wanted to cut the bond even if it had been possible. She just wished the whole situation wasn't so dark and twisted.

\---

When he stood up she helped him fastening his clothes. She had seen him do it enough times to know how it all fit together. It was a quiet moment of intimacy that should have been weird had she allowed herself to observe it through other people's eyes. Now it felt a natural thing to do.  
"You are not going to tell me what's going on, are you?"  
"All you need to know for now is that this world will be mine."

He grabbed her hair and turned her face toward him.  
"I would stay longer, but I have places to be now." He was looking deep into her eyes, serious. "When I come back you will be waiting for me." And he kissed her mouth, then her forehead and left with long, quiet strides. Door closed and the room went silent. She was left with a feeling of something being about to change, perhaps coming to a close, and it filled her with uneasyness. No. With dread.


	9. Fire and ash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As this is the next to last chapter I want to tell how surprised and happy I am that so many people have left comments and kudos on my work. I had not expected so much appreciation for this story, and I'm glad I decided to share it. I hope you enjoy it to the very end.

When Loki had been gone for an unknown number of hours (Damn it, why can't they give me a clock?) some men dressed as soldiers came and brought her to Stark Tower, in the middle of New York city, where she felt increasingly uneasy till he arrived.

"Where have you been?"  
"That is rather a long story. I will reveal all to you when there is more time."

He pulled her close and kissed her with intensity, stroking his hand along her back, tightening his fingers around the nape of her neck. Then he smiled.  
"We should have a little time before they arrive. Just enough."

_Before who arrive? What's going on?_

She knew it was meaningless to ask. Ran into that wall enough times already. She allowed him to pull her onto the bed for some brief, intense love-making, but she couldn't quite shake the worried feeling. Whatever was approaching, he didn't seem bothered by it, quite the contrary. And he looked at her in a funny way, like... no, she couldn't make it out.

It was impossible not to get affected by his body and intensity, no matter where her thoughts were, and she moved against him craving more, running her lips against his neck, grasping her fingers at his cool, smooth skin, her hips pushing him deeper.

He mouthed words that were barely audible and not in a language she recognized or understood. She wasn't even sure they _were_ normal words. They carried a different rythm than normal speech. She also felt a sensation that reminded her of when he had mysteriously made all the moist vanish from her hair, claiming it was magic.

He then locked her in his gaze, eyes half closed with pent-up arousal, and let himself go, grasping her hips tightly, his face lost in utter bliss as the pleasure coursed through him and he melted, relaxed and sated, into her embrace. 

_Do you feel everything this intensely? Or is it just this?_

He got dressed quickly, then pulled her closer. He was more calm and collected than normal but also... elated, self-satisfied . Something was about to happen, and he was clearly looking forward to it.  
"I will have to leave you now, and you will wait here till the battle is over. You will be safe here, but stay well away from the windows. Do you understand?" 

His voice was insistant. He lifted a hand to her chin, made her look him in the eye as she answered what he wanted to hear. Then he smiled and, unexpectantly, left a tender, lingering kiss on her cheek.

There was a loud noise and the building shook slightly. Loki looked up, squeezed her arm one last time and left.

She remained standing for a few minutes, then quietly pushed the door open and began exploring. Room after room she peeked into, observing high-end furniture and decorations. It was only when she approached the other end of the floor that she started hearing voices. One was familiar; she would recognize Loki's voice and distinct way of talking anywhere. Just as she'd gathered the courage to take a quick peek through the doorway she saw Loki lifting a man up and throw him with full force out the window. Glass shard were flying through the air.

She backed off and retreated to the nearest room, hand over her mouth to silence her own breathing. Back against the door she struggled to gain control over her twitching gut. 

_Was that why I should stay away from the windows? You were going to start throwing people out? What the bloody hell...?_

She heard more loud noises, but needed to calm herself down before going back out there.

The building shook again. It vibrated. She felt the same unpleasant sensation as the night of the evacuation. Opening the door she stepped back out into the hallway, walking gingerly back towards the lounge. More than one window was broken now and there was glass scattered over the floor. She heard loud noises from outside and caught glimpses of strange looking creatures on fastmoving vehicles that she didn't have words to describe. A scene of explosions and destruction unfolded in front of her eyes.

Loki stood outside on the platform, dressed in armour and...

_What is he wearing?_

Another man suddenly appeared out there, with a bright red cape and... a hammer?

"Loki! Turn off the Tesseract or I'll destroy it!"

_This can't be happening._

"You can't. There is no stopping it. There is only... the war!"  
"So be it!"

They attacked each other violently and she could only watch in horror as the truth started piercing thrugh her carefully constructed sense of reality.

_"I am Loki, of Asgard."_

_He's way stronger than he seems. He threw a man out the window with one arm._

_"Just a bit of magic."_

_The whole city is under attack by...something I've never seen before._

_"When I rule this world..."_

_No._

The fight outside intensified and suddenly Loki rolled over the edge of the building and disappeared out of sight.Her heart stopped. The other man pulled something out of his side and stood still for a moment. His back was turned and she shrunk back before he could move around and see her. 

_This can't be. It's not possible._

_"Pleasure me, mortal!"_

She backed away from the windows, feeling strangely cold inside. Her hands were shaking. She only stopped when her back hit the opposite wall. Then she sank down to the floor, watching the sky filling up with things out of nightmares.

\---

"Loki." She touched his shoulder. His face was bruised and cut as he looked up at her, recognizing her, his eyes unvaryingly green. Then they both turned towards the group of grim-looking people standing over them. Loki attempted a weak smile.  
"If it's all the same to you, I'll have that drink now."


	10. Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is time to say goodbye. (Puts down soft cloth on floor for falling heart pieces.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music suggestion: Angel of the morning - Bonnie Tyler

So... she was locked up again. Not in a cell at least, so they probably didn't consider her a threat. They would first want to figure out what her relationship with Loki was. She didn't look forward to trying to explain that one. 

A psychologist from S.H.I.E.L.D. arrived, all pleasant and professional, asking questions with a soothing voice, listening with an understanding expression. She wasn't fooled for a minute; they wanted to find out if she was just a victim at the wrong place at the wrong time, or an actual accomplice. She did her best to sound like the former.

"We have a sources that confirms that you were abducted against your will and kept isolated from the others... There is no reason you shouldn't be able to go home soon... I will recommend a counsellor..."

_Victim._

_Stockholm Syndrome._

_Let them think what they want. There are worse things than having my pride stepped on right now. I can always pick up the pieces later._

_Just get out of this. There is nothing else I can do._

\---

She was really surprised about the next visitor, as it turned out to be Loki's brother. Thor looked strikingly different; bearded and blonde, with bulging muscles, and he had a weariness about him that made her wonder if it was only from the recent battle or something more. Her empathic sense told her at least part of it was emotional, like he'd suffered a great loss. 

"I learned that my brother kept you prisoner. Why did he do such a thing?"

She hesitated. This might require another approach than with the psychologist. She didn't want to put Loki in more trouble than necessary. What she'd learned made it likely that he wouldn't be staying on Earth, but be taken back to where he came from. 

_Asgard, wherever it is. Somewhere I can't follow._

"We recognized each other", she finally said. "We just happened to land in the same place at the same time, and then we realized that we...knew each other since before."  
"You had met before?"  
"Not exactly." She did her best to explain her theory. It was a lot more difficult since Loki had at least felt the same undeniable recognition she had. Now she needed to convince someone on words alone. 

Thor listened, but didn't reveal if he believed her or not. She noticed his eyes lingering on the marks on her neck and on her wrists where the fingershaped bruises hadn't completely faded. It seemed like he wanted to ask a question, but held it back.   
She resisted the urge to pull down her sleeves further.   
"It got intense." she said and looked down for moment. "Things went... further than any of us had anticipated."

There was a pause in their conversation. She was feeling increasingly uncomfortable, like she was tracing her path over thinning ice and could misstep anytime. One wrong word, and either she or Loki would be in deep, dark water, unable to get out. 

"Was this... of your own free will?"  
"I did what I wanted to do." she replied sternly. "It was maybe not the wisest course of action in the big scheme of things, but it's what I wanted to do. He and I are emotionally connected, and that has... certain consequenses."

_It does have consequenses. Like the one I'm in now. About to have my heart ripped out of my chest._

He was about to leave when he stopped to ask one more thing:  
"They say you are a healer of sorts...?"   
"Sort of, yes. On the emotional level." She was not completely comfortable talking about that either. Too many people dismissed the concept all together, and she was not up to be ridiculed.  
"Did you ever attempt to heal my brother?" That question took her back a little.  
"I did once, but... I don't know what happened to him, but he has wounds that run very deep. I barely scratched the surface."  
Thor nodded, a mask of regret over his face, then he left.

\---

Thor gave her permission to say goodbye, but only for a few minutes and under careful supervision. Loki was standing near the wall, muted and in chains, though he didn't look all that defeated. Some of the fire was still burning in his eyes, when she walked up to him. She was feeling unsteady, light-headed, like there wasn't enough air in her chest. The scene was unreal as a dream just before waking.

She took his hands and felt his fingers embracing hers. Standing on her toes she leaned against him and touched her face to his, standing silently as time ticked away; second by second, time she couldn't stop. They didn't look at each other, only stood in silence, feeling.

"We will never be fully apart", she said finally with her voice low, unable to meet his eyes, or her heart, her very self would shatter in a million pieces. "And I do love you." And a word didn't cover it because it wasn't love, it was a connection she couldn't break; twisted and out of control on the surface, but once built from love and longing. When everything else was stripped away that's what it was; a pure connection that would keep tying them together, tempting them with just a hint of knowledge of each other's fates. A poisonous bond, yet an immensely precious one.

_The only thing I'll have left._

When time was up she slowly let go, turned around and walked back to the door. She continued through the next room without acknowledging the people whose eyes were following her with uncertain judgment, anymore than she acknowledged the tears burning on her skin. She made her way through the building and walked out on the street, where the sun started breaking through and spreading it's light over the debris that scattered the city. And finally free, in a world and a life that would never be the same, she went home.


End file.
